Whew! We made it.
When you are in ministry, the Christmas season provides a unique opportunity to live out the tension between abiding in and ushering others into His presence. So many amazing moments that we get to see Jesus work in the lives of those around us, especially to bring to Himself those that are far from Him . But all of those moments create a December schedule that can be daunting. As a pastor’s wife, we can be tempted to white-nuckle it, just to get through.
Whether your Christmas season was peaceful or chaotic, whether you are feeling renewed or spent, now is the time for a reset. The rolling over of the year is a natural time to evaluate and redefine what you want to characterize this next season of your life. For me, God is using an old word to give me new direction.
I’ve been learning about “beholding” lately. What does it really mean to “behold Him” especially as a pastor’s wife? It’s an old word so I looked it up in the 1828 version of the Webster Dictionary. Here’s what it said, To fix the eyes upon; to see with attention; to observe with care.”
It’s more than studying – I”m pretty good at that. It’s more than analyzing and understanding new ideas – I have more at my fingertips than I can ever consume. It goes deeper than that.
If I want to “behold” the Grand Canyon, I won’t do it by going to the Grand Canyon Museum at the Visitor’s Center. I’ll behold it by seeing it as the sun peaks over the rim and as the orange light of sunset falls behind the trees. I’ll behold it in the fog and in the snow, as I walk down, down, down, through the layers of rock as each one reveals the next. Beholding is looking deeply at something and seeing it for all that it is. Beholding requires my presence.
And this beholding requires space. It requires a stillness of the soul that has to be cultivated.
It doesn’t just happen. Beholding requires that I be intentional about maintaining that margin in my life so that God can speak, lead and prune me.
There are two ways God is calling me to re-cultivate my margin so that I can behold Him. The first is through DISCIPLINE. This may sound trite and obvious, but the reality is that in my ministry life, it is all too easy for me to dive into production before I’ve beheld Him. I can dive into His Word in order to package it for other’s consumption. I’m in the Word, sure, but not so that “I can gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire of Him in His temple” (Ps 24:7). So for me, this means disciplining myself:
- In my time in the Word
- Am I spending any time meditating on God’s Word without the end goal of producing something for ministry?
- To carve out time to “behold”
- Do I make space to be with the Lord, without an agenda, just to “gaze upon His presence”?
- What does this look like practically for me? How do I experience His presence?
For me, getting outside in the fresh air, getting my boots in the dirt and seeing the majestic order of Creation helps me “behold Him”. In the early 1700”s, Carolis Linnaus, a premier botanist of his time said this,
“I saw the infinite, all-knowing and all-powerful God from behind as he went away, and I grew dizzy. I followed his footsteps over nature’s fields and saw everywhere an eternal wisdom and power, an inscrutable perfection.”
But this is just how I am wired. In fact, God built me with such a strong bent in this direction that we named our youngest daughter after this great believer (her name is Lynae).
But maybe you are wired differently? Maybe you are able to behold Him through music, or art, or creating something. However it is that you are able to look deeply at Him and see Him for all that He is” – are you carving out space for that?
The second way I’m re-cultivating my margin is through DISCERNMENT.
It’s easy for me to wake up and let my day be determined by my to-do list. Discernment means knowing the times when I need to invite the Holy Spirit to show me what to put my hand to in this moment and what to lay down. It may mean that a deadline does not get met or that I have to reorient my priorities. It may mean that I surrender something I was excited to do to something else that God has for my day. I know you are all-too-familiar with this. You do it all the time. God interrupts your agenda to redirect you to His plans. Maybe it’s coming alongside a new momma in your church that is struggling with figuring out motherhood. Maybe it’s sitting with a woman grieving the loss of her husband. You see the Lord in those interruptions.
But what if we asked the Lord at the beginning of the day…
- Lord, is this a moment for discipline or discernment?
- Are you asking me to persevere in what You’ve put before me… or to watch You as we change direction?
As I learn to listen better to the voice of the Spirit, I am better able to walk in obedience, in step with my Shepherd as He leads. And He is showing me how He wants to re-establish my rhythms so that I am doing all, and only, that which He has called me to do.
As I’m writing this, I am recalling the innumerable times I’ve had conversations with people who are on this same road of discovering what it means to “behold” or maybe they use the word “abide”. They tell me they are bowing out of the different ways that God has called them to serve so that they “can just sit at His feet”. I think maybe they’ve misunderstood the purpose of beholding. We behold so that we can become. And that doesn’t just preach well. It’s the truth.
We behold His face so that we can radiate His glory to a watching world. When we behold, we are captivated by the presence of the only One who can create from nothing, bind up the brokenhearted and calm the chaos. We don’t behold so that we can achieve some new level of spirituality or intimate emotional experience.
We behold so that we can continue to bring His hope to a world that is walking in darkness.
We behold so that we can live generously, without worrying about running out.
We behold so that we can pour out of a full cup, a cup that is running over.
As we head into this New Year, I encourage…no, I admonish you to ask the Lord to help you re-cultivate your margin. Ask Him to show you new rhythms that will create new space to learn to Behold Him. And ask HIm where you need to embrace more discipline or more discernment. He who called you is faithful – and He will do it (1 Thess. 5:24).
WE RECOMMEND
Beholding and Becoming: The Art of Everyday Worship by Ruth Chou Simons
- THE WALL STREET JOURNAL BESTSELLER
- PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BESTSELLER
Ruth is such a gift to us—her voice is strong and honest, yet believably grace-filled and kind. We learn and grow into who we want to be when Ruth’s words and art lead us.
—Annie F. Downs, bestselling author of 100 Days to Brave and host of That Sounds Fun podcast
Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion by Wane
CordeiroYou know a book is transformational when my copy is all marked up. And this is likely the most-used and referred back to book I own. It’s helped Craig and I derail burnout and figure out sustainable ways to continue “going to the well” so that we can lead from the heart.
Creating and Maintaining Margin
by Alongside Ministry Wives
If you missed our last article “Creating and Maintaining Margin so that You Can Be Generous”, be sure you catch it. Margin isn’t just blank space. There’s more to it. This article walks through what margin is, how to carve it out, and how to recognize when you are living without it.
