A perfect storm. I’m cleaning up puke off the kid’s bathroom floor. My pastor husband is dealing with a conflict among two of our staff that can’t seem to get along. And last night, we had a doozy of an argument. Not to mention that we just kicked off “For the One” at our church where we are challenging and equipping our people to build relationships with their neighbors so that they can share the love and hope of Jesus to those that don’t know Him yet.
Coincidence? I don’t think so.
Our family is in an intense ministry season. As a pastor’s wife, I know that when we are pushing back the darkness, the enemy will work hard to undermine us and get us to quit. Without giving the enemy too much credit or looking for a demon under every rock, we need to be spiritually aware so that we are not taken by surprise.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:8-9
A friend of mine says it really well,
“To avoid becoming consumed with the dark side, and living paranoid, frightened lives, every believer needs to remember, we battle in three arenas: the fallen flesh, the fallen world, and fallen angels. Not all conflict or hardship originates with the enemy. Sometimes life is simply hard and people are mean. Other times, we face the consequences of our poor choices or need to invest intentionally in strengthening our marriages and families. Feeling “attacked” can sometimes just be burnout—like Elijah. In those moments, what we need is rest, nourishment, and quiet time with God, not an exorcism.
That said, Paul and I have noticed an increase in spiritual attacks when we’re approaching a big Kingdom initiative or about to share Jesus with someone in our neighborhood. We’ve even learned to take spiritual attack as an encouraging sign that God is about to do something incredible.” Jan Mitton (wife of Pres. and Exec. Minister of Converge Rocky Mountain)
I’ve learned to recognize spiritual attacks more quickly so that I can take the proper posture and use the tools God has given me to fight it. Here’s how we recognize spiritual attack in our marriage, our family and our church.
IN OUR MARRIAGE
The enemy often watches for times of physical, emotional and spiritual weariness to introduce division. Where grace would’ve covered over a hurt feeling or a short response, the enemy takes advantage of my lack of margin and magnifies the intensity of my offense. All he has to do is watch me to know when I’m extra susceptible.
Jan also says (and I love this!)…
“Sometimes, attacks infiltrate through our thoughts. These can show up as nightmares, harsh judgments of others, or immoral images that preoccupy our minds. The enemy tries to establish a foothold through anger, resentment, pride, judgment, or covetousness in a believer’s heart. Our minds get fixated on sinful responses, and vindictive behaviors…and in a sense, part of our mind is now controlled by the dark side.”
So here’s what we do:
- We alert ourselves to times of high ministry demands and expect that our own sin or the enemy will magnify our offenses and cause division.
- We have to work extra hard during these seasons to communicate clearly, not take each other for granted, not take offense and believe the best of each other.
- We are intentional in praying together which reminds us that we are not each other’s enemy.
IN OUR FAMILY
The enemy shows up largely in misunderstanding and doubt. When the kids were little, we could tell when our family had been under more ministry strain than normal because our girls would start acting out – simple things like arguing, grumpiness, tantrums and fighting with each other. Again, all the enemy has to do is watch for their weaknesses and capitalize on them. He’s strategic. Also watch out for night terrors in our pastors’ kids. Our daughter struggled with them for a week before we saw what it was and prayed against it.
So here’s what we do:
- During these times, when we know our family is going to be taxed, we warn our kids about the enemy wanting to create places where they believed the other didn’t care about them, wanted bad for them, or didn’t love them.
- We also tried to pay attention to the kids’ margins and be wise about putting them in situations that were more than they were equipped to handle.
- Most importantly, we taught and trained them at young ages to speak Jesus’ victory when they suspected the enemy was harassing them. We did this in a way that is factual, non-emotional and pragmatic. We speak the words out loud because demons can’t read minds. A prayer as simple as “if there are any demonic spirits trying to get their way here, we banish you in the name of Jesus. Get out. You have no power here.” This teaches truth and exercises authority which subdues fear.
IN OUR CHURCH
It’s often tougher to discern between what is spiritual attack, our sin, and a broken world that doesn’t work like it’s supposed to. Even people that belong to God can act awfully hurtful and divisive. So calling “spiritual attack” during every tough ministry season lacks discernment. Having an awareness of seasons when we are more prone to spiritual attacks is smart. Teaching our team to be aware and how to fight well is just good leadership.
So here’s what we do:
- We watch for ministry seasons that make us susceptible. Big events are a place the enemy can work overtime (i.e. staff clashes during VBS etc)…so proactively talking with staff about spiritual warfare stuff before we enter into the season of this big event…eternity thinking…and that whether we like it or not..we’re being watched by people we can see on earth AND by beings in the spiritual realms we can’t see with our eyes.
- Craig and I have learned to watch for collisions of several tornadoes happening at the same time. The enemy isn’t creative, so when we notice more conflict in our marriage, sick kids, conflict among our staff or congregation members, we pay attention.
7 PRACTICAL TIPS:
Spiritual attacks can be intense for a pastor’s wife because of the role we play in ministry. The enemy often targets those who support and uplift spiritual leaders. So far, we’ve dealt with spiritual attack from a leadership perspective. Let’s look at how we need to manage what’s going on inside us, as pastors’ wives, when we are in a season of warfare. Here are some ways to recognize and combat spiritual attacks:
1. Stay Rooted in God’s Word
In my times of discouragement, I often don’t have a natural motivation to get into the Word. But that’s exactly the time when it is most crucial. So I need to put guard rails around myself to help me make wise decisions. I ask a friend to ask me what I’m learning from God’s Word (to make daily Scripture reading and meditation a priority (Ephesians 6:17). I put a new verse on our kitchen chalkboard (to help me speak and pray Scripture over myself and my family).
2. Prioritize Prayer and Worship
I need to fight against the tendency to slip down the muddy pit of self-pity. God says that He “lifts me out of the slimy pit and gives my feet a firm place to stand.” Going to Him in prayer allows the space for Him to do that. I need to remember that God called me to share this burden with others and allow them to help me carry it. This means I need to gather my prayer warriors and let them in on the battle. And finally, I need to up the praise factor in our house, in my car, on my walks, everywhere. Praise silences the enemy! (Psalm 8:2)
3. Put on the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18)
I need to recognize that the battle is spiritual and can only be fought in the spiritual realm. This keeps me from seeing people as my enemy. When the tape of lies starts playing loudly in my head, I need to make the tape of truth, righteousness, faith, salvation and God’s Word play louder.
4. Identify the Attack and Reject Lies
When I recognize discouragement, fear, division, or exhaustion, I need to call them what they are. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear…” Recognize when we’ve been hit with attack after attack and that I’m tired from fighting. It’s not just because I’m “lame”. I need to reject thoughts that contradict God’s truth and reject them (2 Corinthians 10:5). I need to keep the “friend that sticks closer than a brother” to help me discern the lies from the truth.
5. Guard Your Mind and Heart
If I know of influences that drain me emotionally and spiritually, I need to limit them during this season. That means being cautious of those that gossip, criticize and distract me. I don’t have the margin to deal with them well. Instead, I need to seek out time with those that pour life into me – people that remind me of what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).
7. Rest and Care for Yourself
Time of spiritual attacks usually are accompanied by an extra full schedule, crisis that prevent us from getting good sleep and time off, or conflict that occupies all of our emotional space and energy. PAY ATTENTION TO THIS. You can’t fight well when you are physically exhausted. There’s a reason the angel told Elijah to take a nap and eat a good meal. (For me, getting on the back of a horse helps my soul to breathe and allows me to start getting my feet back under me. But find your own thing.)
8. Declare Victory in Jesus’ Name
Satan is already defeated (Colossians 2:15). I often forget this and fear takes over. God will not allow me to be consumed.
Many believers don’t realize how simple it is to take the authority that Jesus has already given us. I don’t mean it’s always EASY, but it is simple. It requires us to recognize, act as Jesus’ representatives, claim the victory and cast the enemy out. Again, we need to do this out loud.
He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world.
One last word about fighting this battle…
Don’t believe the lie that God has called you to fight this battle alone. Of course, the Holy Spirit in you fights your battles and Jesus intercedes on your behalf. But you also have a sisterhood of other pastors’ wives that are here to lift you up. If you aren’t connected to individuals that you can reach out to in Alongside, get yourself in a cohort the next time registrations open up. If you’ve been in a cohort but have lost touch with women you clicked with, send a text. Ask for help. We’re here for you!
WE RECOMMEND:
“THE ARMOR OF GOD” by Priscilla Shirer
