I felt so confused. Although we had spent five years preparing, our retirement from ministry after 42 years came unexpectedly. Spring 2020 wasn’t exactly the season for big celebrations. Five people (all masked and standing six feet away) helped craft our goodbye service. What now? My husband Matt was already nurturing a vision for mentoring younger Christian leaders. I feared that, as a Christian school administrator, such new work was outside my area of expertise.
That season of retirement stirred up many emotions—joy, relief, loss, hope, uncertainty, worry. To ensure our church’s new pastor had space, Matt and I left that congregation and found one 20 minutes away—meaning new friends, new priorities, and new traditions. Our life looked different. We had been working every weekend, now we had a plethora of time. Still, with a willing board and a new name (Linden Grove Mentoring), my husband was plowing ahead.
Could retirement prove God-given opportunity to serve the next generation of Christian leaders? Would I rise to this challenge? To quell my concerns, I turned my attention back to my “life verses”: “God . . . has caused us to be born again to a living hope . . . an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith . . . (1 Peter 1:3-5). In his next sentence, Peter advocates rejoicing, even when various trials grieve or, as in my case, discourage, scare, and overwhelm. I heard the message. The same God who led me through all my years of “non-retirement” ministry was calling me to trust him in this new era.
Being honest with myself, I realized that retirement had brought a variety of new temptations. I had to accept the fact I am no longer in the spotlight. I even questioned my value, taking my cue from new leaders who do not know how to integrate me into their community. I had to fight the lure to disengage, to slip into the background just when the next generation needs me the most. And, as I spoke to other retired Christian leaders, I discovered others felt as I did. Leaning into God’s truth, rather than into my insecurities, proved essential.
To counteract wrong thinking, I reviewed the biblical case for older leaders serving younger ones. The evidence for older mentors of younger mentors is obvious: Moses to Joshua (Deuteronomy, especially 31-33) , Paul to Timothy (1 and 2 Timothy), Naomi to Ruth (Ruth), Elizabeth to Mary (Luke 1). The wise counsel from these different elders helped their younger counterparts face reluctant followers, establish sustainable churches, adjust to an entirely new culture, and even care for a firstborn who was God with us. Their wisdom mattered then, and ours does today as well.
When speaking of the women in the church, Titus says: “Older women . . are to teach what is good . . . and so train younger women . . . that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:3-5). These verses assured me that the hard-earned wisdom of a pastor’s wife matters. Despite my hesitancy, I had a message to share:
- God leads us safely through storms. During my ministry years, church splits threatened, congregants left, trusted sisters in Christ gossiped, and even church leadership resented, ignored, or rejected Scriptural advice. (And I was not the innocent party in all the storms I faced.)
- God uses our inadequacies and mistakes to display His glory and grace. At times, I have been jealous or competitive, lazy or discouraging, unaware or uninvolved. When I am aware and repenting of sin, it serves as a platform for both humble learning and vulnerable sharing.
- God values time spent listening, encouraging, and praying. Members of Christ’s body always need our attention and prayer. I am still learning to provide these gifts. And I have less of an excuse: without little ones to care for and with a curtailed school job, I can spend more time interceding for both the world and my world, and particularly for the women I know in Christian leadership.
- God displays his strength in our weakness. Just as he has done throughout my years of ministry, so also in this era God has prepared good works for me that I “should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10). Serving in mentoring ministry with my husband and as a coach with Alongside Ministry Wives, I learned one of these good works is honestly reflecting on my own ministry and then using these lessons to encourage others.
So, what have I learned during my “retirement years”? Simply this, we who are older Christian women need to redefine retirement “success.” Success is not freedom from work or responsibility. Nor is success a satisfied review of our former triumphs. Our greatest legacy is the truth and hope that we pass onto the next generation leaders.
For those of you reading this who are not retiring any time soon, please consider nurturing what I call a “grove mindset.” The concept of “grove mindset” comes from nature. In many groves, older trees shelter younger ones, even interlocking roots for stability. This protection allows younger trees time to develop and so ensures that the grove continues strong even after the older trees die. What might a “grove mindset” look like in Christian community of Christian sisters?
Let me offer few “grove mindset” ideas:
Reach out to one or two emerging leaders and offer presence, not advice. Listen, listen, listen. Initiate gently; do not go ahead of God’s leading. Offer your story, not your solutions; focus on sharing what God has taught you, not how to ‘fix’ things. Ask questions.
Seek out ways to relate regularly to one to two younger Christian leaders: Maybe take a bi-weekly walk, have a monthly Zoom or Facetime call, or get together for a quarterly lunch. If you sense a sister’s desire for more active mentorship, ask her how she would like to grow and how you could help her in achieving her goals.
Find simple connection points. Send ministry sisters texts of encouragement or ask them about their prayer needs. Be sure to pray for the requests you receive.
Plan so that you have insights to share. Start a journal to reflect on what God is teaching you about ministry, the people you serve, and himself. Your vulnerability, together with your insight into how God worked in and through your situation may be just what a sister will need to hear!
In serving Christ, every season counts, even the “retirement years”. In fact, these years, as heaven is that much closer, may prove your most impactful yet. Psalm 92 states.: “The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright; he is my rock” (12-15a). This means being “full of sap and green” is more a question of attitude than age. We have a calling that lasts a lifetime: to declare the greatness and goodness of our God, the Only True Rock!
RESOURCES:
FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH by Arthur C Brooks
While this first recommendation is not a Christian book, there are some great takeaway concepts in it related to the theme of passing the torch to the next generation.
AGING WITH GRACE: Flourishing in an Anti-Aging Culture by Sharon W. Betters & Susan Hunt
Betters and Hunt are two wise women with years of experience as both pastors’ wives and ministry leaders, In this book, they dive into Scripture and personal reflection to affirm that “the gospel is big enough, good enough, and powerful enough to make every moment of every season of life significant and glorious.”
