We had just weathered a really tough season of ministry, and we were both restless. The church was healing from a very challenging staff situation which eventually ended in a resignation. Soon after that settled down, we received a phone call I never could have anticipated.
“Mama. Everyone is alright, but the old church is on fire and they are trying to save the new part.”
Thankfully, we were thousands of miles away from home when the fire started because my husband now faced a bombardment of questions by fire and law enforcement officials regarding his location when the fire started. We both breathed easier when he was no longer an arson suspect.
The crisis caused by the fire was not confined to structure-related issues or the process of rebuilding. The bigger crisis for the church family was in their deep grief. The emotional and spiritual ties many of the members associated with the building rose to the surface. All the cherished moments. Weddings, baptisms, Easter programs, revival services, altar calls, Christmas celebrations. For those whose families had worshiped within this church for generations, it felt like their family legacy, and maybe even their faith, was now laying in ashes.
Walking beside those we loved dearly as they tried to deal with such a personal and corporate loss was draining. We knew how to walk with them through sickness and death, job loss and divorce. This was new territory. The weight of being a Senior Pastor at the same church for over 25 years became overwhelming for my husband, and my heart was heavy for him. I could feel his struggle. I sensed the attack from the enemy who was waging war on his sense of value and purpose.
I started wondering “What’s next for us? What will God require of us…of me? What about the freedom we both enjoy within our current positions? How will our marriage relationship change? Ugh!” I could sense the ebb and flow of the struggle warring within me: my flesh was trying to figure things out while the Spirit quietly whispered…Breathe. Pray. Trust. Hope.
Thankfully, there was no talk of walking away from the call to pastor a local church. This time. My husband’s commitment to his call was not wavering. We were not facing a question of “Will we be faithful to the call?” We were struggling to discern God’s will as we explored new ministry possibilities. Dreaming about a season of ministry that promised less stress and responsibility was so tempting. Securing a position as a staff pastor, rather than holding the reigns as lead pastor seemed heavenly.
Maybe a position as a Visitation Pastor would be ideal? Afterall, my husband is a shepherd at heart. He loves caring for people and doesn’t mind emergency calls or strange hours. I could potentially even partner with him in ministry. Plus, that type of position would likely have less administration to deal with – and less staff issues. Wait, no staff issues? Now, that reality was very tempting to both of us! Unfortunately, determining what constitutes healthy dreaming versus fixating on the proverbial greener grass can be difficult. We have a great resource that speaks to this dilemma, “4 Keys to Blooming Where We Are Planted as Ministry Wives.”
When my mind swirled with potential ministry opportunities and feelings of anxiety started rising from within, James 1:5 became my constant companion.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
This verse gave me a constant state of peace in a very uncertain time. Asking God for wisdom gave me the freedom I needed to keep moving forward while waiting on His direction and timing.
The days passed. The pondering and prayers continued. We waited on the Lord to guide us.
Then, one Sunday, God reminded me of something that was core to my husband’s calling. I slipped out of the sanctuary mid-service on a quick errand. As I was about to enter back into the sanctuary, I realized I was too late to slip back in unnoticed. Instead, I decided to listen to the rest of the message by peeking through the gap in the sanctuary’s double doors. In that moment God reminded me of His call on my husband to preach the Word. “Wow, God! Thank you for this message. I’m so glad I got to hear part of it! Thank you for using my husband to present your Word.”
Immediately, God reminded me of a verse that had recently caught my attention during a study on the Book of Acts. As we concluded our journey with Paul, he and his companions had just weathered an intense storm at sea. After surviving near starvation and a shipwreck, Paul was eventually brought to Rome. Then, in Acts 28:30-31, we learn that “for two whole years Paul…proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ – with all boldness and without hindrance” – and while under house arrest! In that moment, God underscored Paul’s reality in my mind: God has called and gifted your husband to be a shepherd and a preacher.
As our future lay unknown before us, we had been focusing on all the different possibilities and positions that might be available to a pastor. Yes, my pastor-husband is a shepherd at heart. He loves people and loves caring for them. But God used that morning to remind me of the obvious. He was also gifted to preach! This renewed realization narrowed my focus and my prayer. “Whatever you have for us in this next chapter of ministry, Lord, I ask and trust you to provide opportunities where he can preach the Gospel ‘with all boldness and without hindrance’ just as you blessed Paul.” This prayer not only guided my heart’s cry, but it brought me a fresh sense of purpose and direction. It also brought clarity to the pain.
My husband had been faithfully preaching all along, but I sensed a ‘cloud of heaviness’ over him. Yes, the aftermath of the church fire was traumatic, but it also overshadowed the prior staff issue. So much time and energy had been invested in trying to bring about a positive resolution. One that sadly ended with the staff person moving on. Thankfully our healing began, but it takes time for a leader to be trusted again after confidential decisions are made. And it takes time to restore a tainted reputation in a small community. To preach “with all boldness and without hindrance” was not just about my husband’s call to preach, but it was also asking for a renewed passion and boldness to emerge within his heart.
The dilemma of emerging crossroads and seasons of restlessness are not foreign to pastors’ wives. Dr. David Jeremiah speaks of the internal sense of feeling stuck when we face uncertainty about our life’s purpose and direction. “This is not God’s intention for your life. The Bible says, ‘He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ’ (Philippians 1:6)…Our mighty God has a plan for your life, and He does not intend to stop in mid-design.” [external link] God has a plan, and I knew I could trust Him to see us through. Once I was able to narrow in on my husband’s strengths and giftedness, I realized that God had answered my prayer for wisdom, given me deeper understanding and had filled my heart with joy. There was now a sense of peace in the midst of the journey and a confidence that God would be faithful to guide our next steps at each turn and at every crossroad.
We have significant navigation points to help us stay on course.
- Be honest in your uncertainty. Name your fears. Invite the presence of the Lord to uncover each fear and lead you to a place of trust.
- Be humble as you seek wisdom from God. Trust that He is big enough to give you the wisdom you ask Him for and to make sure that you hear Him.
- Be open-handed with your future path. Surrender control and the temptation to singularly navigate your course. God will guide you, step by step.
- Be prayerful in your relationship. Make praying for God to direct your husband’s heart a priority. Watch for ways that God affirms His leading by providing ways for each of you to use your God-given gifts.
- Be enthusiastic in your cheerleading. Affirm your husband in this uncertain season – especially his character qualities.
“In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:3-6
RESOURCES
Here are some additional resources to help you dig further into hospitality.
Finding Hope and Healing after a Forced Transition
Robin Schmidt | PIR Ministries
4 Keys to Blooming Where We Are Planted As Ministry Wives
Coletta Smith | Alongside
