Building relationships doesn’t require a formal role, long-term commitment, or elaborate planning. Just intentional time together.
Creating a space for connection, not perfection.
Another Sunday morning approaches, and I jump in to serve with the team of greeters to welcome people into our worship service. I love this part of being a pastor’s wife. I know the faces and names, families, careers and hobbies. I enjoy exchanging pleasantries, finding fun facts about people, and being trusted with whispered prayer requests. This is what makes my heart beat.
But recently during a difficult season, a sense of “aloneness” crept into my heart. I longed to connect on a deeper level with women. To be truly known for who I was, not for the role of greeter or the title of a pastor’s wife. While I sit in a congregation full of women who know my name, there are few who really KNOW me. And this is hard.
New faces appear each Sunday, some familiar faces fade away, and others disappear altogether. I wanted to somehow bridge the gap between the old and the new. My hope was to create opportunities for women to connect, but I also deeply desired to experience this connection.
It may be surprising that pastors’ wives can feel lonely in their church. There can be many reasons for this, but some common scenarios of a ministry family are: they have recently moved/transitioned to a new ministry location, they have fresh wounds from church hurt, or they are simply overwhelmed with work, life, and littles. And to add to this sense of disconnectedness, our culture of social media and (mostly) online interactions compound these fragmented feelings. It seems that many pastors’ wives want to develop community and relationships with the women in our congregations, but it often feels as if we are starting from ground zero.
During a recent six-week Bible study called Together by Ben Mandrell, one point stood out: people stay in a church because of relationships, and they leave a church because of relationships. That truth hits home. Research from Barna echoes this, highlighting the importance of fostering genuine relationships in church life. To learn more, go HERE. With this in mind, creating opportunities for connection and community is vital, not only to the health of our churches, but for us as pastors’ wives.
But here’s the tension: if I try to build community, will I automatically be seen as the “Women’s Ministry Leader”? If I am honest, this expectation (whether spoken or unspoken) may be one of my biggest hesitations. (Click here to download a FREE Alongside resource, “What ARE the Expectations?”) For some pastors’ wives, leading women’s ministry is indeed our calling. But for others, the thought of this is enough to make us bolt and head straight for the door. This isn’t about titles or roles – it’s about connection. Let’s give ourselves some grace. Building relationships doesn’t require a formal role, long-term commitment, or elaborate planning. What does it require? Intentional time together.
On the heels of a difficult season of “aloneness”, God nudged me to seek deeper relationships with the women in my church. I didn’t necessarily feel called to lead women’s ministry, but I felt led to be proactive in creating opportunities for connection. I’ve learned through experience that many women enjoy connecting through fellowship, food, and fun. So I started a simple “Summer Supper Club.”
Here’s how it worked:
- We met once a month from June to August.
- Each dinner had a theme (Mexican Night, Salads & Sandwiches, Charcuterie Buffet, Breakfast for Dinner, etc.).
- I created a SignUpGenius for contributions—setup, food, cleanup.
- We used conversation cards to spark discussion, sometimes added a craft or testimony, and always shared a meal.
The result? A beautiful sense of belonging and connection. No magic formula. Just intentional time together. It turned out that my ladies really enjoyed a good dinner theme! Now, it’s become a summer tradition—simple, flexible, and doable even with limited time and resources. I drew inspiration from Just Open the Door by Jen Schmidt, Find Your People by Jennie Allen, and IF:Table Conversation Cards by Jennie Allen.
Want to start your own Supper Club? Here’s a quick guide:
- Pick a date/time that works for you and your space. I use Tuesday evenings from 6–8 p.m. because there are no other church events or groups meeting on that day.
- Send a SignUpGenius 1–2 weeks ahead. I include slots for setup, food, and cleanup.
- Set the room with tables for 6–8 people and a food station. Place conversation cards at each table.
- Welcome guests, open in prayer, and explain the cards if needed.
- Enjoy dinner and discussion for about an hour. Invite sharing afterward.
- Optional: Add a short devotional or craft.
- Wrap up within 1.5–2 hours to respect everyone’s time.
- Repeat as desired—monthly, quarterly, or just once!
This is about creating space for connection—not perfection. Whether you’re called to lead or simply want to gather, community starts with one invitation.
RESOURCES:
Each of these resources has helped me think differently about connection, hospitality, and creating space for meaningful community. They offer practical tools and encouragement for building relationships and fostering connections within the church, and have shaped my understanding of hospitality, community, and intentional relationships as a pastor’s wife.
“Just Open The Door”
Lifeway.com
“Find Your People”
By Jennie Allen
“If:Table”
Ifgathering.com
“Together Bible Study”
Lifeway.com
