Leaving a church and entering a new one…it sounds so simple on paper, like hearing the gears of a three pronged turnstyle. Click click click….leaving one space to enter another. But any of us who have been through this process know…to see the real story would be akin to taking a lantern and peeking into a cave underground to see so much more..highs and lows and facets that cannot be seen from the surface.
Even though my exit was by choice, I completely underestimated how difficult it would be to leave a church after 17 years and enter a new church. When the process began to unfold, I had no idea that I would be on my face on the floor in my home office, begging God for answers and clear direction before it was over. Perhaps that posture is exactly where I needed to be…where I need to continue to be. There are specific assignments you will have from God in the process of transitioning from one church to another…just for you. Don’t miss these…they are important to who you are now and who you are becoming.
WHAT I WOULD DO AGAIN:
I would maintain respectful silence as exit details with us & church leadership were being worked out.
God was very specific with me that nothing from my mouth should divide His flock. Sometimes when you get a specific assignment like this from God, you WILL be misunderstood by people. Many people did not understand my silence or my tears. On one of our last Sundays, a friend from our small group came up to me with a big smile and a hug, looked me right in the eyes and said, “I had no idea…you did this right.” She knew in that instant how much I had held back for months. I had faced pressure from peers to “share my side/spill the dirt” and in retrospect, I am so grateful I listened to God’s instruction to me to keep people together instead of dividing them by what I said. Your story holds GREAT value and power in the middle of a church transition. Remember who you ultimately answer to for how you wield it.
I had a trusted friend I could meet with weekly in the transition.
Jill and I met for coffee regularly in this season and I can’t imagine having gone through it without her. Jill taught me the value of walking with and investing in someone who you know is leaving soon. Jill knew this and entered in with me anyway. The worth she communicated to me by doing this cannot adequately be put into words. The sacrificial time she gave me made me want to give this gift to someone else someday. Other than Jill…the details of our departure had to stay silent until an appropriate time so as not to create division. It would be wise to create (heads up that no one else will likely create it for you) a safe place you can share, week-by-week, the details of what is happening in your story through the transition. This support helps keep you afloat in the middle of the storm. Finding a friend outside the church or connecting with a counselor are some options to create a safe space for yourself. PIR Ministries was also a big help to me during this transition time (www.pirministries.org)
Maintain tight closeness with God in this season.
Some days there was truly no other place to go in the tearing away of what had been such a huge portion of our lives for so many years. Only God could understand this in a way the rest of my world could not…not even my husband.
MISTAKES I WOULDN’T REPEAT:
I did not welcome the new pastor and his wife, who had nothing to do with the sadness I felt in leaving.
It was not their fault a chapter in my life was ending and another one was beginning. I avoided the “meet and greet” time with them and did not “Rejoice with those who rejoice…” (Romans 12:15a). They were excited to get started and this church needed them. Welcoming them warmly and cheering them on in their new assignment is something I wish I could go back and re-do. Actions sometimes do speak louder than words. I realize years later my absence at these welcome events sent messages that were not helpful to everyone moving forward.
In the exit and the transition, I focused almost entirely on what had gone wrong at the end instead of celebrating all that had gone well through so many years.
This outlook was very difficult on our family in the transition out. Not every member of our family was ready to dust off their feet & hit the gas pedal like I was. There was actually a lot to celebrate in the years we had been there…people who had come to know Jesus, people who had been baptized, lives that had been changed and deep friendships that had been formed. This is the “bigger kingdom” perspective I didn’t have as I was leaving.
I did not look back over my shoulder as we were leaving; I only looked ahead.
The problem was there were people and relationships (17 years worth!) over my shoulder and many were sad that we were leaving. I didn’t think about them much or listen to what they were feeling as I was focused on my new life. If I had it to do again, I would spend less time thinking about my own needs and look at things in a broader perspective to care for those I was saying goodbye to. I had a whole lot of “me thinking” going on in the transition and not as much “kingdom thinking.”
When we find ourselves packing boxes, it’s tempting to just go through the motions and make the move. Remember that how you leave and how you enter a new ministry matters. It’s all part of the bigger race we are running, so how you pass that baton and start running a new stretch can make the difference between fizzling out and finishing well. You absolutely can inspire and lead others by the way you leave and the way you enter, so do it to the very best of the ability God has trusted to you.
“Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
Hebrews 12:1
