My son has the most amazing laugh. In fact, our family will pay to see a children’s movie at the theatre just because we know we will hear him laugh. When a character falls dramatically or an unexpected line is said, he leans his head back, makes a slight Chewbacca sound, pauses, gasps for breath, and then starts again. We can’t contain our own laughter as we hear it. It’s contagious.
As a mom, I long for opportunities to hear my family laugh together. As a ministry wife, I know how difficult this can be. Ministry can be consuming. The heaviness of dealing with families in crisis, births, deaths, and just helping people get along often overshadows the sources of laughter. Before I know it, I’ve gone weeks without the release that laughing brings. And life is busy. It’s far too easy to laser-focus on the calling and the tasks, and lose this precious gift that God gives us. Balancing everything is difficult, but intentionally incorporating laughter is essential for our ministry family’s well-being. There’s a good reason why God says, “a cheerful heart is good medicine”.
Once, on a visit back home, my husband and a friend got into a hysterical laughing fit together. It had been a long time since I had seen my husband laugh. In an instant, I watched as his face relaxed and heard the bellowing sound escape his lips. Another contagious moment. As I caught on, my laughter changed as I grasped my sides in discomfort when my body fought itself with simultaneous laughter and crying. My own laughter came out of relief that laughter was still possible. The adjustment to ministry life, moving away from family and friends, loss of our home and church and a family cancer diagnosis had drained the joy we once knew. My tears reflected the gaping hole I had felt for so long.
Something beautiful happens when we laugh, especially together as a family. Laughing together creates a form of bonding and a sense of well-being. The body releases its natural feel-good chemicals, reducing stress and promoting relaxation. There are additional benefits in a strengthened immune system, improved resilience, creative thinking and problem-solving. Who wouldn’t want more of that for their family?
Why is it so difficult?
Studies show that the average 4-year-old child laughs 300 times in a day, whereas adults only laugh 4 times. Isn’t that heartbreaking? It is understandable, though. More responsibilities burden us as adults, and we are far more aware of the world’s difficulties. We spend less time in play and feel more insecure about our accomplishments or surroundings compared to children. Challenges in relationships, hardships and pressures increase, especially with the complexities of ministry.
As a ministry family, I’ve watched a tenor of heaviness descend on our home like a big wet blanket. Sometimes it has come because of an exceptionally difficult relationship in the church, a hard decision or a conflict. Other times, I’ve noticed its presence when we are wrung out and tired. It seems like we forget how to laugh. We let it seep out of our home like the heat when I open the door to the frigid winter cold.
No one wants to live this way. We see the importance of laughter for our congregations and we long for the same relief ourselves, desiring to slow down and enjoy the life God has given. We want to help our families to experience this on a personal level and together.
How do we get it back?
Let’s go back to the source. Jesus used children as an example of how we are to come to Him, how we are to live. The faith that He asks us to mimic includes trust, hope, imagination, and delight. As adults, we easily lose focus as it becomes more about “building the kingdom”, than being an active and living part of it. This is especially true of pastors’ wives because we are gripped with the reality of peoples’ eternity, the harshness of our world and the life-altering consequences of sin. We long to see Jesus redeem all of this mess and “restore our joy” when His Kingdom is fully realized here on earth. After all, His kingdom is righteousness, peace and joy, as described in Romans 14:17.
A great place to start is with a child-like prayer of repentance and faith. If you find yourself in need of a change, take a moment and pray this out loud with me:
Father, thank you that you are a God of joy and that you’ve given me the ability to laugh, to hear the laughter of those around me, and to experience a delightful life. I have allowed the burdens to remain on my shoulders for far too long and they have robbed me of the joy you bring. Give me the strength to lay them at your feet again. Help me turn my face toward yours in expectation. Give me eyes that I might see the silly, humorous moments that you have sprinkled throughout my day. Amen.
Next, take some time for observation. Reconnect with what makes you and your family laugh. Each of you is unique and sees the world through a different lens. Take notes on what you see and begin exploring ways you can incorporate them into your daily lives.
Practice laughter. This means making space for it, planning moments where you can laugh.The more you practice, the more natural it will become for your family to see the humor in everyday moments.
Explore silliness. Try things. If it flops, that’s ok. You will still create memories that make a lasting impact. Sometimes mistakes are the greatest way to laugh. Often mistakes are an insightful way to explore how the family responds. What may be fun for one family is not always the case for another. Take the time to discover how God has uniquely wired each of your family members.
12 Things we tried as a family may inspire you.
- Take a picture of something that made you smile and share it together in the evening. For example, one afternoon neighbor girls were selling homemade bracelets out of pipe cleaners. I heard them hollering from their driveway “bracelets for sale”, grabbed some cash, bought one for each of my family and took a picture with the girls and bracelets.
- Take everyone out for ice cream and imagination conversation. One particular time we decided that the conversation would revolve around funny, yet awkward situations. Start with sentences such as:
- “Imagine if we saw someone….” (trying to ice fish in the summer)
- “One thing I would love to do, but never would is…” (sticking a finger in a random stranger’s dessert)
- Draw portraits of one another.
- Play shadow puppets with flashlights.
- Challenge each other with the funniest meme contest.
- Award ceremony for odd accomplishments and other inside family jokes (i.e. shortest texter, first to respond with a Chuck Norris joke, most likely to forget what they just said,etc.)
- Pull a harmless prank on a friend, such as placing confetti on top of the fan blades in their house. Involve the whole family in the planning and execution. Of course, being sure that the friend can take the joke. And don’t get caught!
- Surprise silly string battle outside.
- Balloon soccer in the church hallway.
- Try a new game. We suggest games like Telestrations, Poetry for Neanderthals or Grounded for Life to get you laughing.
- Flashlight tag at night
- A no-hands watermelon eating contest. Each person is given a large slice of watermelon on the rind. On “go”, they must try to eat their watermelon the fastest, without using their hands.
Perhaps you have been experiencing a heavy sadness from the difficulties you’ve faced. Maybe joy seems like a distant memory. Cling to the promise that our faithful God made to Job and still holds true for you:
“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.”
While we wait to see this promise come to fruition, let’s allow God to do some amazing work as we lead our families to connect better, play more, and enjoy the precious gift of laughter.
