If You’re Ready to Quit Church… Read This First
I told my husband, “This is YOUR church now, not mine!” and slammed the car door for emphasis.
“I quit. I’m done.”
Backstory…I had gone to pick up our 4 year old son from Sunday School and he wasn’t there. My eyes scanned the cubbies, behind the bookshelves and under the table. The staff just shrugged their shoulders at me as to where he was. I was stunned. I thought this team had basic safety measures covered. In a panic, I started searching everywhere I could think of. Someone finally found him in the church lobby. Turns out my son had hoisted himself up and over the dark brown wooden half-doors they had in the children’s wing to go out and explore. No one had noticed until I came to pick him up. I was so incredibly angry.
So much blew up relationally on this day that would take years to repair.
I was angry at the staff and I was angry at my husband who was in charge of the staff. All that anger..and no idea what to do with it.
And so I ran. I started attending another church with my kids for a time. You might wonder if that was a good idea. Sure, we all want to escape sometimes. But this choice I made was radical..with significant and pain-filled consequences:
- In the running…I communicated to the staff and to my husband that I didn’t trust them.
- In the running…I created a rift in my marriage.
- In the running..I silently communicated to congregation members who were following/watching me that something like this couldn’t possibly be made right.
- In the running..I demonstrated to my kids that bolting is the answer (which I can assure you..having tried it..it isn’t).
- In the running..I took the reins in my own hands in declaring I was done..not inquiring of the Lord for this tough situation.
When God Finds Us in the Wilderness
God, in his mercy, met me there…in my pile of mistakes and my mess…on the back few rows of a church where I wasn’t supposed to be. Just like he met with another “self-declared quitter/runner,” the prophet Elijah in I Kings 19.
“Elijah was afraid and ran for his life….I have had enough Lord,”
“And the word of the Lord came to him:What are you doing here, Elijah?”
Elijah, in his physically and emotionally exhausted state, answers and tells God what he is thinking and feeling. Elijah’s exhaustion and fear skews Elijah’s lenses on the situation. He’s not seeing things accurately, which is revealed in his answer to God’s question. God is patient, merciful and kind. He listens to Elijah tell it all…even the part that is skewed.
Then Elijah experiences a powerful wind (strong enough to tear rocks apart), an earthquake and a fire..but God is in none of those.
“And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.”
God asks him again, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
Note that God doesn’t lecture Elijah on what an awful prophet he has been for running, how he has failed at ministry, and all the reasons why he should go sell insurance instead of being a prophet anymore. God simply asks a question,
“What are you doing here?”
After God listens to Elijah’s response, He gives a directive.
“Go back the way you came…”
God met me in my quitting and my running. He listened to my hurt and my fears and asked me the same question.
“What are you doing here?”
This question wasn’t shaming, accusatory or demeaning. It was a loving Father that came after me, listened to me and put His arm around my shoulder. He gave me a chance to answer. And then He gave me the same directive..
“Go back the way you came…”
The Lesson…
It actually wasn’t for me to decide if I was done at this church. That was up to God Himself. And it was God Himself who would, in His great mercy, help me begin the long process of untangling the messes I’d made in quitting and running. It wasn’t easy..but we stayed at that church for another 10 years.
And so my friend, if you are thinking about quitting or running in the middle of a hard church situation, please know you aren’t alone. God sees you. He loves you and He isn’t done with you. Fall into His arms and let Him hold you. Tell Him everything. Listen as He speaks your name. Answer the questions He asks you. Listen as He gives you a new directive and strength to carry that out.
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