There is a kind of pain that is real and tangible. Stubbing your toe. Slamming your finger in the door. No one questions why you are in pain when these physical things happen. But what about the emotional pain you feel as a pastor’s wife when you know God is asking you or your husband to do something that will bring great hardship into your life?
You might have known you were supposed to move on from a church or small group.
You might have poured love, time, and energy into someone only to watch them leave.
You might have been overlooked or misrepresented and yet you knew the right thing to do was to just humbly accept it.
You were trying to walk with a clean heart toward Jesus and yet there was pain in the results. Whatever the cause, walking in obedience doesn’t ensure that the road will be smooth and not covered with briars. But walking in obedience DOES ensure that God is the One who is leading us through it – and will heal our scratches and bruises as we walk forward.
Not long ago my husband sensed God was leading us to move on from our church. Moving ahead with this decision would be a bigger deal for my husband as a pastor on staff, but it would be uprooting my life and ministry involvement too. When he brought this to me, I was still a pace behind him. I wasn’t sure that this was the right decision or the right time. So many emotions were welling up and I needed Jesus to help quiet this storm in me. Since my husband sensed God’s leading earlier than I did, my first reaction to him was, “How do you walk away from these people?” That certainly didn’t brand me as the supportive wife. After multiple discussions and days and weeks of prayerful wrestling, I listened more carefully to my husband. I heard all the confirmations he was getting about this looming decision. I began to see he was hearing from God. It didn’t mean I understood the decision, but I could see he was struggling with it also. Knowing we were struggling together helped me step into his shoes for a bit and understand the weight he carried to fully obey God.
What I needed most at this point was to go to God myself. I am convinced that I am able to love and obey God in difficult decisions when I am sure He is doing the leading. That I haven’t mistakenly listened to the voices of others or my own desires. Someone I know and respect may ask something of me, but it does not carry the same weight – or inspire the same confidence – as when God is guiding. In Psalm 34:4 David “sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.” So I asked Him to give me the same assurance that this was the right thing to do at this time that he had given my husband. I didn’t want to be “one more family leaving” our church without the assurance that God was driving this decision.
As I sought the Lord, He began speaking in all kinds of ways: through our pastor, my prayer time, and His Word. In a sermon one Sunday our pastor challenged us to follow what God was telling us to do. God also used a verse in my prayer time to settle my heart. John 14:15-17 says, “If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—the Spirit of truth.” He was beginning to bring the peace that only the Holy Spirit brings. In meetings with other people who knew nothing about our wrestling, both my husband and I had separate people make comments that God had something different for us or a new opportunity that would remind us that we are not finished serving Him.
When the last day of my husband’s work came, we still had no idea where He was moving us. We were certain after weeks of seeking God and counsel from others that He was calling us to a new phase of ministry. We just weren’t sure what that new phase was going to be. Our hearts’ desire was to be used by God until our last breath. We knew He had something more for us to do. In Hebrews 6:12 it says, “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.” So we kept praying as God was leading us. We did not want to miss what He had planned.
Making this decision took many weeks of prayer and asking God for clarity. When you are in a position of leadership, you want to be so confident that you are following the direction of the Lord. Mark had already spent weeks in prayer and sensed God had something different for him. But then, he continued to ask the Lord to clearly lead me and settle my heart about this new move. Waiting came with second guessing, doubts, and even fear we were making a mistake. Sometimes that waiting was productive and necessary for us to be on the same page. Waiting for the peace to step forward with this decision was productive. Circling the same concerns, over and over, began to feel unproductive, so we knew it was time to step out in faith that God had given us direction.
How did we wait well?
3 RHYTHMS WE DISCOVERED:
- We prayed continually and together. We longed to hear from God about what he was doing with us and with the church body. This was a regular prayer for us, but now it had a new intensity. If we exercise this practice of prayer all along, when decisions need to be made we are already asking God for answers. As the body of Christ, what we decide can have an impact on others so we have to take that seriously.
- We shared with each other what we were learning from God’s Word during this season. God’s plan is so much bigger than our plans, so it took us time and wise counsel to be sure we were hearing God’s plan clearly. In my husband’s work in missions he shares the verse in 1 Thess. 2:8, “Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” We shared what God was doing in our lives with trusted friends who would pray in the hope that He would continue to confirm His direction.
- We intentionally and regularly checked in with each other as to how the Lord was clarifying where he might be leading us. As different options began to unfold it was an enormous blessing when each of us heard the same things confirmed from God. During times we were not on the same page, we had hard discussions which gave us more things to pray about. But pressing into time to speak our hearts was very helpful and necessary.
It wasn’t until weeks after our decision was announced that a new place of ministry opened up for us. Sometimes stepping out in faith, knowing that God has led you OUT, must happen before He can lead you IN.
In the weeks that followed the decision to move on from our church, we began to see some healthy outcomes. Our new church embraced the missionary calling that is my husband’s passion. We also watched people who had been lethargic blossom as they plugged into new places. New life was being breathed into many just because they dared to embrace the change that was necessary to grow in their relationship with Jesus.
Jesus walked this life with both pain and hope intertwined, knowing his actions and teachings would turn lives upside down. Jesus’ ultimate call was obedience to the Father. The hope of paying the price that would save mankind along with His love for His Father drove him forward. Our hope was that obedience to the Father would ultimately bring us to a place of peace with Him. Hebrews 12:3 reminds us, “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners (that’s all of us!) so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Considering Jesus, the one who held pain and hope in the same hands, was the key to hearing from Him and obeying His call.
RESOURCES:
Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer
